God’s perfect dosage
It was a normal day, about noontime, in a rush to get a document I decided to download it instead of looking for it, and so it was that faithful day, July 27, 2012 that I made a decision that has forever changed my life.
As the third anniversary looms in the horizon, I had no idea where God was taking me, well, he is still not done but as the third anniversary approaches, I have started to see what God has been doing with my life.
God started with the worse mud available, and it has taking God a bit longer than I had anticipated but as time progresses the changes are starting to show, no, not physically but in the inner-most parts of mine being.
That faithful day of July 27th I realized I had been deceived by those I loved the most and although it has been the most painful experience of my life I now realize that God was removing me from an environment too toxic for me, so toxic I was not aware of it.
Like a silent killer, it had been crawling into my life, making me too busy, missing church, missing the bread that keeps the spirit fortified and alive, I had justified it as part of my success, without truly understanding what success is, in the world I was living, success is painted in green, the more of it, the more successful I felt.
Oh but my God was not about to hand me to the destructor and so the plan started with the most painful medicine available, I lost what I had become to believe was my family, then the work of my last twenty years was taken over by those who wanted to give me a lesson, to teach me that there is dirty laundry so secret that it must be washed in secret behind closed doors, curtains that must keep the light out and never be open to exposed the inner workings of those they wanted to protect. The pain was too severe, I am not sure if the pain was so agonizing because of losing those I loved or the pain of realizing how much they were willing to hurt me to protect those they love.
I questioned my God many times, why Lord why, why would you allow my enemies to hurt me so much, then one day I thought about Job and how God had allowed the destructor to bring pain to Job’s life, I realized then that perhaps those hurting me were no more than tools used by God to polish my life.
I realized then that the Lord was working in my life using the roughest tools available, that hurt so intensely that many times I felt that I could not take the pain anymore, then again I remember that my Lord will never bring more pain to my life than what I can take, in fact the fire and the annealing needed, had to be strong, intense, to remove the many impurities from my life.
No, He is still not done, howbeit, I have now learned that although the pain has been extremely severe [and He is still not finished] his dosage has been perfect.